Is Thinking again....

I have always been one of those people who thinks too much. I would often untie the little strings of normality and let me brain wander. It was a decent way to act. My brain didn't frequent those dark, smelly gutter places. It didn't always wander to guys and the illustrious cloud nine. It did thought stray often a little to far from the start and i would end up hurring to catch up to its brain wave.Now a days it has found a balance between the chaotic and the mindless drone it rests in at work.
 Now before you get the wrong idea; i do in fact, like my job- most of the time. Im not sure when this feeling of restlessness began but it has wormed its way in. I know it is a stepping stone in this life to other opportunities  Yet I may be one of the few in this life that feels that work should grow you; but also that believes that it is possible to love any job. Wether its the people, the tasks, or simply the growth it causes, there is always something that makes one go to work everyday.  I have had enough jobs to prove that theory. yet for some reason this job has made me wonder.....
 I dont know what to think about it honestly... Many famous writers tried ordinary jobs to gain ideas, right? Remind me of that the next time i think blogging about my job is good idea.... :P

Fall : for what?

Alright, alright. So I didn't write yesterday...But I wrote two entries the day before, so technically I covered myself for that day. So HA! Not sure why i just did that.. Anyway...So today I'm back on course and writing about fall. ( Vikky may shoot me for that sentence) Fall. Leaves dotting the concrete, wafting on the breath of the chilled wind. Cocoa and a book in front of the fire, while snuggled under a cozy blanket in a overstuffed chair. Thats what many people think if as fall. For me well at the moment all it says is that I will soon be unemployed....I have worked the same job in between school since i was a senior in high school. I got my first job at 14 and had a summer job for all the rest of the years till now. This time though I'm staring at finding nothing for the fall and on. Still praying hard about this one, but I am actually feeling nervous, petrified,and disheartened that it may happen. Many people would jump at the chance to stay home and leech off their parents. Some say that it is ok for a short time to stay home and figure things out. But to me its like pointing a gun at my head and saying its okay to pull the trigger. I would go insane. I need people. I need to interact and work. Who knows what will happen this fall.....

Fear: is there any rational one?

I am not afraid of anything. Ha! That is a lie, that everyone tries to get themselves and others to believe. But its not true. EVERYONE is afraid of something. Spiders, snakes, bears, and pretty much any animal that can do you harm is on this list from someone. But in truth, they things that scare the most people collectively are things that they cant understand. Life, for example is one of them. This is a fear i have been staring in the face for the past few weeks and more so in the last few days. Now don't get me wrong. I am not afraid of life itself, I'm more nervous about trying to figure out to do with mine. I almost feel that it is passing me by and that there is so much more i should know by this point in my life. Everyone else seems to have it more together then i do. Just tonight I was out with some people i know. They were talking about some people we know getting engaged. They were so proud of them and it kept coming up in the conversation. Now I am incredibly happy for the couple. I wish them all the best in life. Yet I always found myself wondering... I'm the same age as them yet of no major accomplishments can I boast. Am I just weird? Did i miss something in the manuel of life that they were able to decipher and i missed? One of these days, hopefully, i will be able to figure it all out.
 This like some other things, i think, just boggle the human mind too much for less then a month's pondering. As I was typing the above I was going over the rest of the night, and a greater fear engulfed me later that same night. Now i admit this was a stupid prank of my imagination gone bezerk. Sitting here even thinking about it, I am shocked at it. I am a news junkie. So much so that I read several articles about the horrific shooting at the Dark Knight Rises all those weeks ago. Yet not even that explains why tonight I walked into a movie theater and was scared. I sat there in my chair of 2016 and felt fear start to eb my resolve. Every time a gun fired in the commercials or a loud noise echoed i flinched. After the previews I thought i would be fine, but no such luck. Every loud noise made me jump and I was close to panic. Finally it got so bad that i made my way to the bathroom. The minute i got in the door I felt a little better. The thought crossed my mind to stay in there for the duration of the movie and meet up with the people afterwards. Yet fortunately, my staunch hygiene won out. That bathroom was disgusting. I took a deep breath and walked back into the theater. I was going to head up the aisle to my group but instead i compromised and flopped into the back row. I pulled out my little red notebook,ready to pull the excuse of taking notes in the dim light of the side lamps... I prayed alot during that time... some that the movie would end soon...It was ridiculous. I even tallied how the long the movie was suppose to be and had a countdown going...Finally the movie ended and a tiredness of mass proportions took over. I was so quiet when i met up with my group again. They noticed but thankfully didn't push me. I will never understand what happened tonight but in a way I'm glad it did. It made me realize that some fears are more dangerous then others. Some fears i dont have to try to beat. But others I need to be in control of so that they dont control me. This is something God and I are going to have to work on. I need to remember that at all times He is in control and that I am safe in his hands. Because if i remember that then fear is just a word....

And Again

Alright we are trying this again.....But this time I have a list. Before i go to sleep every night there will be a new entry. That might make this a bit more crazy. I'm a slightly different individual to begin with, but now my mind will be unleashed on the unsuspecting blog reader. You have been warned!!! thankyou for Reading it though and please continue. :)

Trying something so un-me

I tried something new this week. No I'm not going to tell you what it is. I can't even believe I did it. Now don't get me wrong, it's not bad. Its just not a me thing to do. Even as i was doing it, i was embarrassed at myself. I felt like I had stepped into this strange zone and didn't want to get out. Yet every time i think about it now, I want to invent a time machine and go back in time to change it. What's wrong with me? I'm not sure. Will i ever make up my mind about it? Probably not. Yet I have made up my mind to not try it again and leave it to the good old fashioned way from now on......and for some reason that makes me depressed ans relieved at the same time. I blame my strange brain!!

I really Can't get this writing everyday thing...

No matter how i try, this blog seems to fall by the wayside. In the craziness of my day, this is a piece that always seems to get lost in the shuffle. So I have come to terms with it. I have realized that the only way for me to get logically get rid of this guilt, is to write when i can. Instead of harassing myself about not writing a new post everyday I will simply wait until i can give myself to a new post. So for those few, wonderful people that actually read this, just know that you will get better material with this change. Well at least i hope. :P

THE ADVENTURES OF DENNIS AND DALE

 THE REDNECK TRUCK DRIVERS IN ALASKA

               Dennis and Dale attended Pensacola Christian College. One day during their summer break before senior year they saw clips of the show, Ice Road Truckers, and decided that it might be fun to try. So they graduated and started saving all their money for the tickets to Alaska. It took a few years but they finally got there. They stepped of the plane in Anchorage, Alaska on a balmy 65-degree day and immediately scoured the city for a large coat and parka suppliers. Then they headed over to the truck driving company.

At first they weren’t sure about hiring two lower 48 boys to drive 18-wheelers on the icy roadways of Alaska. But after the four truck pile up near the Canada border, they needed everyone that they could get. So Dennis and Dale filled out all the paper work and began their training. They were assigned to train with two of the older drivers; Speed Demon Marv trained Dale, while Dingbat Betty trained Dennis. At first Dennis was excited that he had a girl trainer but she turned out to live up to her name. Dennis got a gray hair or two as Betty purposely gunned the truck up steep slopes and let it skate down the hill on its own accord. Dale didn’t fare much better. Speed Demon Marv lived up to his name to by proving once and for all that man can drive almost the speed of light by driving from Anchorage to Fairbanks in 3 hours. (Normally a 5-hour trip). Dale tried to ask him to slow down more than once. But Marv only laughed and said, “ What and let the coppers catch up? I don’t think so!”

You would think these crazy adventures would send the two racing for the airport but they stuck with it. They showed up for training every day and stopped jumping at the sound of a trunks horn after a week. That was only the beginning .A few months later after they had faced every test possible, they were finally trusted with one of the smaller trucks. Their first assignment was a supply drops a furniture store in Juneau, Alaska. They drove to Haines and boarded the slow ferry. They had about 4 hours to kill before they arrived in Juneau, so they spent it in the food bar eating gigantic pieces of cheesecake. They arrived in Juneau shortly after the kitchen on board ran out of cheesecake. They went straight to the store and dropped off their load. Then they paid a visit to their friend Natalie (who wondered why anyone would trust them with trucks.) They chatted for a while and Dennis and Dale caught the night ferry back to Haines. They got back to Anchorage in record time and there waiting for them in the lot was an 18 wheeler with their names on the deed. They were so excited. They filled out their paperwork and went hope to wait for their next assignment.

About a week later, they were called. It was there dream assignment, a parts shipment to the little encampment at Deadhorse at the very top of Alaska. It took a few days to get everything ready, but they were off at almost the speed of light. It was a heavy load for the truck so about 30 minutes out of Anchorage they had to slow down. Soon after that, the radio kicked out and they were left to the static of the airways. Dennis lasted for a few minutes longer than expected and they brought out his country CDs. It must have been a strange sight to behold for there they were two southern boys blaring country music on the icy roads of Alaska. All the critters held their eardrums and ran for their lives. Even the gas stations were affected. Wherever they stopped was immediately cleaned out of their diet coke, coke and potato chips.

This went on for the few days that it took to get to the small town 150 miles for Deadhorse. They stopped for the night there and the next morning went to the gas station to fill up on the necessities mentioned above and fuel. The teller of the gas didn’t even notice them at first when they got up the counter. He sat watching an old TV set down under the counter, and they had to clear their throats 2 or 3 times before he would look up. He finally saw them and went about ringing them up without his eyes ever leaving the screen. “You boys heading up to Deadhorse?” his raspy voice choked out.

 “Yes sir” Dale replied as Dennis got the money to pay him.

“Well be careful, watch out for the Indonesians!” He said.

“The what?” Dale replied, with a bit of a shiver.

“The polar bears, boy, there has been a lot of them up that way recently so just be careful. They have been crazier after those blasted greenies released Julie the Amazing Polar bear from the zoo. –  man im glad that I don’t live in Indonesia right now, with all the uprisings.” He said partly to Dale and partly to the screen he stared at.

Dale looked to Dennis and he just shrugged. So remembering the rules their mamas had taught them, they nodded politely, said thank you, and they drove as fast as possible away from the strange guy. They drove for a while in silence with visions of polar bears dancing in Dale’s mind. They were just a few miles from Deadhorse when they saw a jumble of white fur running over the snow. Dale pulled the truck off the side of the road and just stared at it. “It’s beautiful, “ he mumbled. Dennis reminded him that they were dangerous but at the point Dale wasn’t really listening.

The bear came to a stop about 15 feet from Dale’s side of the truck. He sat down and just stared at them with its calculating black eyes. Dale reached back behind his seat and dragged out the meat bag he had prepared just in case they saw one. He chucked the first piece out the window. The bear swallowed it down. He did this about 10 times with the same result. Then he held one and slowly opened the door. He had planned to get out and try and feed the bear by hand but the minute his boot was outside of the truck the bear raced over and sank her teeth into it. Dale yelled and grabbed onto his seat as the bear tried to pull him from the cab of the truck. Dennis wasn’t sure what to do but he grabbed the closest thing to him, the diet coke cans, and started chucking them at the bear’s head. After 4 cans hitting it in the head with no result, he reached back and grabbed his rifle. He threw one last can and hit it right on its sensitive nose. It let go and Dale raised his foot back into the truck and closed the door. The bear started jumping at the cab so Dennis aimed his gun and shot the animal in the head. It dropped on the snow and since it is currently illegal to shoot an endangered species they drove away. Their stay in Deadhorse was a bit longer then they expected. Dale had to get several stitches in his foot and was told not to drive on it for a day or two.

When he finally felt better they set off again. Glad to being heading back to civilized junk food instead of the whale fat and berries the natives fed them. When they got to the place where they shot the bear. Dale stomped on the brakes. Then without any warning to a very confused Dennis he jumped out of the cab and ran toward the fallen carcass of the bear. Dennis shouted at him to get back in the truck but it was a few minutes before Dale returned. Yet when he came he was carrying a small bundle of fur. He told Dennis to drive and climbed up in the passenger seat. It was a few miles down the road before Dennis saw that it was a tiny emaciated little polar bear cub. Dale got a bit of milk on a towel and fed the little guy, then cradled it as it fell asleep.

Now Dennis and Dale had no idea what to do with the little guy, that Dale named Green Christmas. They talked about it for a while and were discussing options when he noticed a bunch of people  parked on the side of the road, chanting and hugging trees.

So they stopped and witnessed to them. Many of the"huggers" gave up their wicked ways and became Christians. One such person was a known polar bear scientist that knew exactly how to help them take care of the cub.They soon grew to be great friends. So much so that the 3 of them decided to become truck driving evangelists. They drove all over Alaska preaching the word and telling people about proper bear safety.

RANDOM QUESTIONS

40 of the MOST spontaneous questions ever, BE HONEST

1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
staring at the same computer screen I am right now…

2. Who will be your next kiss?
……….okay I know this is a random question thing…but really? I don’t know….

3. Do you kiss a lot of people?
No

4. Are you wearing socks right now?
yes,,,, well one sock..

5. When was the last time you went out of state?
well I went out in January….

6. Have you been to the movies in last 5 days?
no…L

7. What was the last thing you had to drink?
water

8. Where is 8?
randome question thing and you couldn’t think of a better question!!!??

9. What was your last purchase?
coffee….

10. Last food you ate?
popcorn

11. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my brother, Ben

12. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
<:] nope

13. Do you have a pet?
a doggy

14.what did you do last night?
ummmm…… cant remember,.,,,,, I was sickish,,,, so next question…

15. Are you a vampire?
wow….no
16. If you could be anywhere you want where would it be?
nah, Im good…I just wish a few of my friends from all over the place were in one place…then I would want to be there….

17. What is the last thing you purchased online?
Um. A shirt.

19. What's your favorite band?
currently,,,,liable to change every few minutes,,,, but right now …umm…. Tenth Avenue North

20. Do you miss anyone?
I miss all my friends from PCC!!!! (V for example :P) The Norris Family, Jeremiah, Devin, Liz, and several others….

21. Last movie you saw?
Tower Hiest

22. What are your plans for the day?

Well early day tomorrow so sleep?.

23.Did you have fun today?
Definentally.

24. Who is your last text message from?
Alyssa

25. Were you an honor roll student in school?
probably not…

26. What do you know about the future?
God has a plan,,,and besides that umm…. Prayer needed
27.Who rode in a car with you last?
My brother

29. Do you have a tan?
yes…ok not really

31. did you meet anyone new today?
I work with toursits so A LOT!!!

32. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
 nope

33. How do you like your soda?
Icy cold.

34. Do you like hot sauce?
ish

36. What day is tomorrow?
Friday

37. What is your current mood?
Slightly tired <:]

38. Are you someone's best friend?
yah I think so …

40. Someone who last bought you something?
My brother, Stephen




NOTE: So i felt like trying something different.... :)

Ah the Humanity....

Why is it that things don't always end the way we want them to. Why do people change? Why do people say one thing, mean another, and then expect a totally different thing all together?I dont believe in putting "heart troubles" where people can see them, and then blasting them all over the internet so that people are affected and pity me. this is mainly a rant. So if you were looking for an insight into the mind of Natalie, well you might get a peak; but not often. just know that I'm an incredibly shy person with a mind that even i cant control all the time. I try hard not to second guess and read into the scribbled lines of emotions,relationships, and people. Occassionally my mind wins and I over analyze. These moments are great until I'm proved wrong and my emotions plummet like a kamikazzi into my self confidence...Tonight..well it was mainly a shaky affirmation of something that I knew might happen. I hoped it would be different this time, but it wasnt. It was just like every other time that i gave my emotions a bit of room to fly. I held on with a giddy feeling and a "finally" mentality, and I waited for full afirmation. Well im done waiting and hoping on this issue. I'm human and a girl. And this issue is taking too much brain power. Everyday, I hope and pray that it will be the day that something will happen with this; and I go to bed dissapointed and looking to myself wondering what i did wrong. what did i do wrong? Who knows. And for now, I'm done caring. i'm done hoping on something to happen and being dissapointed. Does that make me crazy?maybe. does that mean I give up on hope and the very idea of this thing? no.. it just means that I'm not going to give my brain the right to fantasize about this if there is no hope to it being the way i want it to.And for this girl, it is a step forward. A good one i hope, but a step is a step, either way.

Traveling....

Traveling is an adventure. Everyone is busy on their own adventures, while you travel on your own. So many different personalities, stories, and backgrounds all jammed together in tight spaces to get somewhere. For anyone else this is wonderful time to kick back, not talk, and maybe get some of the sleep they missed out on the night before, but for me?Well its a chance to gather "intel." not in the spy movie types, but where i can sit in my seat and just immerse myself in the atmosphere. For instance there there were 3 guys that sat behind me on the Sitka to Seattle flight. They had just come in from a fairly long fishing trip in Sitka, and no offense meant, but the smell of fish guts and slime seemed to linger still around their non-shaven appearances and may still cling to their chairs on that specific airline…….They were a very boisterous trio, and though they desperately wanted to separate to the other side of the isle, they were a tight packed group who's laughter seemed to cascade over the chairs.They played poker and B.S for the whole 1hr and 40 minute trip and as they played, they talked. They told story after story of their fishing exploits and the "exaggerated" dream fish that they supposedly caught. They delved into home life only once or twice where the eager listener, (me) learned that all 3 were married. One of the guys went so far as to tell his fellows, that his wife kept calling and calling because she was so upset that he hadn't called. Though anyone can tell that comments were laced with a fairly strong devotion as he kept emphasizing that she probably missed him too much…….The others 2 said very little about their wives but hinted that their wives "missed" them too.. We started our descent over the outskirt islands near seattle and it was like my neighbors tongue was suddenly unraveled….He began to tell me his life story in fragmented paragraphs. He leaned over me to look out the window and pointed out a small island below. then he took a deep breathe and i knew i was in for a tale. He began by telling all about him and wife and when they first moved to the picturesque little town that could only be reached by an old wood ferry. He told about their little house that looked over the road and was the pillar of the community, or part of it anyway :) He gabbed about his 2 kids, that went to the high school in the slightly larger town on the other side of the island and that were now grown trying to be doctors or something with enough money to pay the bills well. This little old man, that smelled of fish,who's bright orange shirt and worn denim coveralls had seen better days, opened up and told me everything in the 20 minutes before touchdown. I have to admit when i had first spotted him coming down the isle i crossed my fingers and begged that he was sitting anywhere else but isle 22b, but by the end God had given me a lesson in not judging a book by its cover. The plane landed and we went our separate ways. We nodded and wished the other well. Yet something had changed, we went back to being 2 random people that talked on an airplane, different roads to take, different lives, different stories but for a moment in time our paths crossed and I walked away the better for it :)

IM back!

I'm back! Its been awhile, but I will attempt to do this thing again... attempt being the key word.... 
As a way to get back into the swing of things I'm going to post a few things that i've written recently and the honest among you should tell me what you think. :P