Ah the Humanity....

Why is it that things don't always end the way we want them to. Why do people change? Why do people say one thing, mean another, and then expect a totally different thing all together?I dont believe in putting "heart troubles" where people can see them, and then blasting them all over the internet so that people are affected and pity me. this is mainly a rant. So if you were looking for an insight into the mind of Natalie, well you might get a peak; but not often. just know that I'm an incredibly shy person with a mind that even i cant control all the time. I try hard not to second guess and read into the scribbled lines of emotions,relationships, and people. Occassionally my mind wins and I over analyze. These moments are great until I'm proved wrong and my emotions plummet like a kamikazzi into my self confidence...Tonight..well it was mainly a shaky affirmation of something that I knew might happen. I hoped it would be different this time, but it wasnt. It was just like every other time that i gave my emotions a bit of room to fly. I held on with a giddy feeling and a "finally" mentality, and I waited for full afirmation. Well im done waiting and hoping on this issue. I'm human and a girl. And this issue is taking too much brain power. Everyday, I hope and pray that it will be the day that something will happen with this; and I go to bed dissapointed and looking to myself wondering what i did wrong. what did i do wrong? Who knows. And for now, I'm done caring. i'm done hoping on something to happen and being dissapointed. Does that make me crazy?maybe. does that mean I give up on hope and the very idea of this thing? no.. it just means that I'm not going to give my brain the right to fantasize about this if there is no hope to it being the way i want it to.And for this girl, it is a step forward. A good one i hope, but a step is a step, either way.