THE ADVENTURES OF
DENNIS AND DALE
Dennis and Dale attended Pensacola
Christian College. One day during their summer break before senior year they
saw clips of the show, Ice Road Truckers, and decided that it might be fun to
try. So they graduated and started saving all their money for the tickets to
Alaska. It took a few years but they finally got there. They stepped of the
plane in Anchorage, Alaska on a balmy 65-degree day and immediately scoured the
city for a large coat and parka suppliers. Then they headed over to the truck
driving company.
At first they weren’t sure about
hiring two lower 48 boys to drive 18-wheelers on the icy roadways of Alaska. But
after the four truck pile up near the Canada border, they needed everyone that
they could get. So Dennis and Dale filled out all the paper work and began
their training. They were assigned to train with two of the older drivers;
Speed Demon Marv trained Dale, while Dingbat Betty trained Dennis. At first Dennis
was excited that he had a girl trainer but she turned out to live up to her
name. Dennis got a gray hair or two as Betty purposely gunned the truck up
steep slopes and let it skate down the hill on its own accord. Dale didn’t fare
much better. Speed Demon Marv lived up to his name to by proving once and for
all that man can drive almost the speed of light by driving from Anchorage to
Fairbanks in 3 hours. (Normally a 5-hour trip). Dale tried to ask him to slow
down more than once. But Marv only laughed and said, “ What and let the coppers
catch up? I don’t think so!”
You would think these crazy
adventures would send the two racing for the airport but they stuck with it.
They showed up for training every day and stopped jumping at the sound of a
trunks horn after a week. That was only the beginning .A few months later after
they had faced every test possible, they were finally trusted with one of the
smaller trucks. Their first assignment was a supply drops a furniture store in
Juneau, Alaska. They drove to Haines and boarded the slow ferry. They had about
4 hours to kill before they arrived in Juneau, so they spent it in the food bar
eating gigantic pieces of cheesecake. They arrived in Juneau shortly after the
kitchen on board ran out of cheesecake. They went straight to the store and
dropped off their load. Then they paid a visit to their friend Natalie (who
wondered why anyone would trust them with trucks.) They chatted for a while and
Dennis and Dale caught the night ferry back to Haines. They got back to
Anchorage in record time and there waiting for them in the lot was an 18
wheeler with their names on the deed. They were so excited. They filled out
their paperwork and went hope to wait for their next assignment.
About a week later, they were called. It was there dream
assignment, a parts shipment to the little encampment at Deadhorse at the very
top of Alaska. It took a few days to get everything ready, but they were off at
almost the speed of light. It was a heavy load for the truck so about 30 minutes
out of Anchorage they had to slow down. Soon after that, the radio kicked out
and they were left to the static of the airways. Dennis lasted for a few
minutes longer than expected and they brought out his country CDs. It must have
been a strange sight to behold for there they were two southern boys blaring
country music on the icy roads of Alaska. All the critters held their eardrums
and ran for their lives. Even the gas stations were affected. Wherever they
stopped was immediately cleaned out of their diet coke, coke and potato chips.
This went on for the few days that it took to get to the
small town 150 miles for Deadhorse. They stopped for the night there and the
next morning went to the gas station to fill up on the necessities mentioned
above and fuel. The teller of the gas didn’t even notice them at first when
they got up the counter. He sat watching an old TV set down under the counter,
and they had to clear their throats 2 or 3 times before he would look up. He
finally saw them and went about ringing them up without his eyes ever leaving
the screen. “You boys heading up to Deadhorse?” his raspy voice choked out.
“The what?” Dale replied, with a bit of a shiver.
“The polar bears, boy, there has been a lot of them up that
way recently so just be careful. They have been crazier after those blasted
greenies released Julie the Amazing Polar bear from the zoo. – man im glad that I don’t live in Indonesia
right now, with all the uprisings.” He said partly to Dale and partly to the
screen he stared at.
Dale looked to Dennis and he just shrugged. So remembering
the rules their mamas had taught them, they nodded politely, said thank you,
and they drove as fast as possible away from the strange guy. They drove for a
while in silence with visions of polar bears dancing in Dale’s mind. They were
just a few miles from Deadhorse when they saw a jumble of white fur running
over the snow. Dale pulled the truck off the side of the road and just stared
at it. “It’s beautiful, “ he mumbled. Dennis reminded him that they were
dangerous but at the point Dale wasn’t really listening.
The bear came to a stop about 15 feet from Dale’s side of
the truck. He sat down and just stared at them with its calculating black eyes.
Dale reached back behind his seat and dragged out the meat bag he had prepared
just in case they saw one. He chucked the first piece out the window. The bear
swallowed it down. He did this about 10 times with the same result. Then he
held one and slowly opened the door. He had planned to get out and try and feed
the bear by hand but the minute his boot was outside of the truck the bear
raced over and sank her teeth into it. Dale yelled and grabbed onto his seat as
the bear tried to pull him from the cab of the truck. Dennis wasn’t sure what
to do but he grabbed the closest thing to him, the diet coke cans, and started
chucking them at the bear’s head. After 4 cans hitting it in the head with no
result, he reached back and grabbed his rifle. He threw one last can and hit it
right on its sensitive nose. It let go and Dale raised his foot back into the
truck and closed the door. The bear started jumping at the cab so Dennis aimed
his gun and shot the animal in the head. It dropped on the snow and since it is
currently illegal to shoot an endangered species they drove away. Their stay in
Deadhorse was a bit longer then they expected. Dale had to get several stitches
in his foot and was told not to drive on it for a day or two.
When he finally felt better they set off again. Glad to
being heading back to civilized junk food instead of the whale fat and berries
the natives fed them. When they got to the place where they shot the bear. Dale
stomped on the brakes. Then without any warning to a very confused Dennis he
jumped out of the cab and ran toward the fallen carcass of the bear. Dennis
shouted at him to get back in the truck but it was a few minutes before Dale
returned. Yet when he came he was carrying a small bundle of fur. He told
Dennis to drive and climbed up in the passenger seat. It was a few miles down
the road before Dennis saw that it was a tiny emaciated little polar bear cub.
Dale got a bit of milk on a towel and fed the little guy, then cradled it as it
fell asleep.
Now Dennis and Dale had no idea what to do with the little
guy, that Dale named Green Christmas. They talked about it for a while and were
discussing options when he noticed a bunch of people parked on the side of
the road, chanting and hugging trees.
So they stopped and witnessed to them. Many of the"huggers"
gave up their wicked ways and became Christians. One such person was a known
polar bear scientist that knew exactly how to help them take care of the cub.They soon grew to be great friends. So much so that the 3 of
them decided to become truck driving evangelists. They drove all over Alaska
preaching the word and telling people about proper bear safety.